One, two, three - You're no longer with me.

We can’t help but make mistakes. It’s a part of the human being. Nobody’s perfect.

 I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and a few more, but there are three mistakes I will never forgive myself for. And I’ve committed them whilst in a relationship with you. 

You always seem to know what I should do, even when I don’t know which way I’m facing. You always seem to realize just how sad I really am, and how lonely I would be if you didn’t exist. I’ve learned never to trust anyone, never to let anyone in, never to tell anyone who I really am and what I am really doing, however I couldn’t help myself. The more I talked to you, the more attached I would get and the more I would say about myself. That was mistake one, vulnerability.

Whenever you would say something good about me I would believe you, it didn’t matter how big of a lie it was and it didn’t matter how many times people would tell how big of a lie it was, because there was one person I believed, and surprise, surprise, it was you. Actually, it didn’t have to be a good thing, I would believe everything you’d say, even if it was against everything I believe in. That was mistake TWO, naiveness.

And mistake THREE was the worst of them all, if you ask me, because I did it all again. I opened myself up to you, I believed everything you said and I got heartbroken.

I have a habit of not regretting anything I do. I may feel bad but I never wish I hadn’t done it, because if I hadn’t done it I would be wondering what the results would be. I told you once that I would, eventually, regret having dated you, but I don’t, not the first time, anyway. Even though the second time around was better, and when I say this, I mean more intense, more passionate, more real, it was also more scary and the scary part wasn’t even the fact that we were doing everything all over again, the scary part was that it was a secret and you could do anything you wanted when I was not around, no one would tell me, because they were afraid to hurt me.

Anyhow, with his relationship, because that’s what you call it, I’ve learned that the more open I am, bigger is the pain, so I’ve decided never to tell anyone what I’m feeling. Let’s see how that works out. 

20.07.2011