I'm f*cking tired

I'm fucking tired of this... 
I'm tired of waiting for you, like you were going to show up, I'm tired of smiling, when all I need to do is cry, I'm tired of crying, when all I want to do is smile. I'm just tired.. 
I can't predict the future, but I'd bet everything I have, everything in how I'm never going to remember how to be truly happy. I never will. There's always going to be that part of me that wants nothing more than a hug from a very good friend, that wants nothing more that be told I love you, everyday... I need that, I need to know someone loves me, I need to know I'm important in someone's life... I need to know people don't want me just to clean their messes up, I need to know you didn't just want to have fun, because I really hope you at least cared about me... I really hope, someone needs me like I need them, because I can't continue to fight this same fight, and keep on losing, because those who used to be my very best of friends, are nothing, became almost ignorants to my presence, and I hate that! I hate that someone I loved (and still love) doesn't trust me like I trust them... 
I keep on remembering the day you hugged me for the first time, I still remember the first time we held hands, I remember the look on your face, and I wonder if you ever wanted to be there with me, if you ever liked me at all... Because if you didn't, than not a lot of people do... 
So, I scream, and jump, and cry because of this fight, of this non-ending fight I'm having with the world, this fight I just can't face anymore... I'm fucking tired of fighting this same fight, over and over again...