To climb a hill....

I try to get high but then I fall down. I try to climb a hill but I’m just too afraid to get out of control. I look up and I see people, all the people around me are trying as hard as they can to get higher, to get to the top of the hill. And me? Well, I’m just too scared to fall back down. I don’t know how cold, frightening, lonely it is up there, but I really don’t want to know. Even though I’m lonely down here, at least there’s warmth and I always know what I’m gonna get.

It’s a mental game really, you know, it’s like people saying being cold is psychological. It’s not psychological, the body needs a certain temperature and when it falls down, you get hypothermic. That’s not psychological. In this case, when we’re up there we are afraid to fall, but honestly, when I’m up there, I feel the urge to jump. I’m not happy up there. I’m not happy down here. I’m happy somewhere in between. And when I’m up there, I want to jump, but I want to stop in the middle, but I never do. When you’re cold, you usually go near a fireplace to get warm, but if you stay there for a long time, you’ll get warm, and warmer and warmer, until you’re so hot you want to go outside, just to feel the cold in your face, once again. Imagine that the time I spend in front of the fireplace is actually the time I spend from the moment I jump ‘till the moment I get to the floor. You know, in both cases, I want to stop in the middle but I just can’t, I’m PSYCHOLOGICAL incapable of doing that.

But that’s just me, really. Y’all must be really happy when you’re up there or down here. I’m probably the only freak that doesn’t like to be single but doesn’t like being suffocated when she’s in a relationship… is that so?